I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
