come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
