I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
