News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Well I just put wine in my tea
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
