There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
