OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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