We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
