Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
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