Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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