whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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