i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My breasts were aching with rage.
pray to the hookup gods
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
