I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
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