Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
