i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I am naked and annoyed.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
