is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
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but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
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I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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