yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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