I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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