a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
