You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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