Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
