i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize