how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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