The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Alive.
So much puke
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
