just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
