Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
