Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
