help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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