Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
