nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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