its not stalking. its research.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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