I wish I could teleport
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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