Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
