had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just googled if crying burns calories
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
