We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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