Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
