he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
