I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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