I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
