i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
