I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
