ugly people sure do ruin things
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
