i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
