Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
