She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
