goodnight i made you a song goodbye
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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