Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
