Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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