Barsexuality is the new black.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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