Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
