i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
