I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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