I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
