Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
