Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
