I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
