Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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