i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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