That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
