I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
A+ Viking dick
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
