omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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