Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
