I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
