This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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