My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
