i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
